WHAT is my purpose?

for the last 2 months, i've been doing a lot of questioning. of my fabulous relationship, job, and friendships. i don't know where it came from. i just know that the impulse to question - and sometimes to just move, act, or do something - is strong and deep. these are such big pieces of my life that you can't just move act or do something. but when you have such anxiety, the stress of questioning is overwhelming.

so, i started searching for answers to my questions - or even words to articulate these deep questions that i can't bring myself to voice. i spoke with friends, called my mom, talked to my boyfriend, went to a therapist, and went to an astrologer.

they all helped...but they didn't rid me of the doubt.

today, i remembered something that the astrologer told me: someone born under my kind of chart has a purpose. i have a purpose - a mission. and it sounds hokey, but i've always felt this. that i have a reason to be here. and i've been looking for it for a while. because i also like to act, accomplish and get things done. as she told me about my purpose, i felt overwhelmed. choked up as i listened.

and today i thought - what if what i'm searching for isn't a flaw in any of my pieces, but rather the purpose? it's so easy to assign doubt, blame or dearth to the pieces. but it's the whole that ties it all together. so what is the big picture? what is the big whole that i'm missing? is it my purpose? is it spiritual?

crap. i wish i knew. but i do feel like i'm one question closer....to another question....to another question....