premenstrual blues.

well, it's that time of the month again. when i question everything i'm doing and where i'm living and with whom i choose to spend my time, and decide that it's all wrong, wrong, wrong, and that i should be on another path.

and then i calm down and remind myself that it's all one path, there isn't a right or wrong, and whatever i'm going through now is only another step leading me toward what's next. whatever that might be.

but sometimes i just want a house, a dog, and to be near the friends and family i love.

and yet i've made loads of choices that have led me in just the opposite direction. literally. the other day i decided that i should always be a little unsettled; a little off balance, because it keeps me growing and trying new things.

but it's so damn hard.

what is there left to say, except "!?"

crazy people.

here's the thing about crazy people. i've seen them. every city has its weirdos. i lived in nyc for a summer in college and saw about all the crazy people i'll ever see. in cambridge, central square was the hangout. downtown boston, downtown crossing. and there was always that crazy "animal rights, sign the petition" lady at the porter square t stop.

here's the thing. in san francisco, crazy people are normal. they're integrated into the fabric of society. they're given *leadership* positions. they're nurtured and fostered and encouraged to be crazy, but in a normal daily life kind of context.

i work in art education, and we have our fair share of nutters. this conference i worked at on saturday turned up the usual suspects - youth, good-hearted youth workers, activists hungry for a change, and crazy people. crazy people who serve on arts boards in local communities, but carry all of their belongings with them at all times in one large backpack over a dirty puffy coat even though it's 70 degrees out, and who have sociopathic handwriting. crazy people who have jobs that involve molding young minds, and yet who show up at community forums to dominate the conversation with a rant about the bush administration. i sit at arts board meetings looking around, trying to catch someone's glance - "this is torture!" i'm saying with my eyes - "let's bust out of this nuthouse!" but no one gets it.

i know i sound like a jerk. and y'all know i can be impatient. but cut me some slack. i deal with CRAZY people all the time. and they're starting to get to me.

this email book thing is killing me.

seriously. i can't stand it. getting little piddly bits of a story piece by piece and then having to wait for the next installment - and it's never satisfying. it's always about 2 emails long. i'm dying for this thing to pick up. fortunately, the main character just got a blackberry, so presumably she'll be emailing like a maniac from now on.

in other news, the conference i've been working on, making art, making change, is kicking off tonight with a party. i'm very excited/nervous. i've been working on this deal since i was poor and unemployed. and it's part of how i became poor and employed. wish us luck!

emailed books....are you kidding me?!

sooooooo in the name of my book club, i've started something that i thought i would HATE. i mean. i thought i was 100% against it.

and then i learned that it....it's so eeeasy. we're doing an e-book. seriously. i am the LAST person who would like this. i read in bed. i mostly read in bed. i can't fall asleep without reading. i always have a book next to my bed. so why the hell would i want to sit in front of a computer (where i already live 40 hours out of the week) and read...for fun?!

well. because it's easy. and interesting. it's the lazy person's solution to book club.

my problems with book club were mainly based on laziness. i have to find out where to buy the book? i have to go out and get the book? i have to read on someone else's time schedule to finish by the next meeting? um......i'll start tomorrow.

only i never start tomorrow. and the time for the meeting comes and i've read a part of the book if any and prefer book club conversation about celebrities to the actual plot of the book i never read, but what if i do one day, so i have to insist that no one mention the ending.

how tedious.

but now, i've signed up for the Daughters of Freya - an e-book that costs 4.95, and arrives in installments in your inbox. as if you're cc'ed on the characters' emails. it's great - because the emails are relatively short, and you read them as they come, which is basically every time i check email, which is basically all the time.

and there's all this supplementary data - like, one character will mail another saying how she had a great lunch, and here's the picture i took of you at the restaurant, and you can click on a link and go to her picture. or you can go to her travel itinerary or you can go to fictional business websites.

the book's a mystery about a sex cult in marin cty. so, we've got sex, suspense and california. plus, it's cheap and easy. i'm not saying that this is how i would read forever, but it's pretty interesting for right now. though the fiction-reality blurring is a little disorienting. i like the installment bit, too. it's so dickensian.

Por-cu-pine!!!!

If you're like me, you might occasionally ask yourself, "what is the most brilliant comedy routine ever?"

what, indeed?

well, the answer is here, and thanks to youtube, you can see it.

some of you who know me might think that i'm referring to "springtime for hitler". well, dancing nazis are pretty funny.

but let's be honest. PORCUPINE RACETRACK - a musical sketch by the folks at the state (a most brilliant comedy show on mtv in the 90s)- tops anything by mel brooks. YES. i said ANYTHING BY MEL BROOKS. i love the man, but this is funny stuff. especially if you are familiar with any musical theater cliches.

i still remember seeing it for the first time. our family was on vacation with our good friends the scarnecchias. tim (my bro) and i were staying up late with steve (the scarnecchia kid, one year older than me) watching tv. and behold. porcupine racetrack. a guysndolls-cum newsies-cum-my fair lady-cumanything with orphans and priests - cum black beauty with porcupines. it was brilliant. it was so brilliant, i was DROOLING at the end of the number. drooling, i was laughing so hard. my eyes were squeezed shut in watery laughter. my brother and i were practically falling out of our seats. and i looked over at steve, expecting him to be likewise amused. he sat there with a slightly puzzled look on his face and his jaw hanging half open. clearly, he was not exposed to musical theater at a young age.

but as you all know, the meles are steeped in the broadway tradition.

please watch and enjoy.

mes parents

my parents are so darned cute. i know mom hates these pics because her eyes look too "squinty" but i think she looks adorable and happy and beautiful. sigh.

these are pics from their trip to grand manan island in nova scotia to visit old friends, the dufords. it's a small, rustic, windy island. but the landscape is pure raw beauty. it was also my dad's birthday! wish i could have been there!