back in california
here i am. back on the other coast. and feeling more unsettled and uprooted than ever. i love going home. i love seeing friends and family that i enjoy because they're amazing people - not just because they support me or have known me forever. i miss the green and the humidity and the blueskyness and the walking and beaches and sunsets. and old hardwood floors at my parents' house that creak when i slide my bare feet over them and always risk a splinter.
so, going home is a wonderful thing. it's also very, very hard for all of the above reasons. i know i made the right decision to move last fall, but going home raises a whole host of other questions - what next? what now? what have i accoplished that can justify my staying here when i love so many people so far away? would i feel any more satisfied if i went home for good? probably not - not at this point, anyway.
i have felt pretty transitional for a very long time now. and going home only increases that feeling. of being pulled and unsettled and baseless. scattered. half of my things are at my parents' house. 1/4 are at tracy's house still and 1/4 are at my new apartment where i have no furniture, and no place to put my stuff.
i feel placeless. i have always been attracted to stability - friends, history, buildings, furniture - but i have yet to find it. and i'm pretty sure that i won't find it for a while yet.
i feel like i'm breaking up with new england.
posted by meles @ 5:17 PM
1 Comments:
Glad you made it back safe and sound. Dad and I read your blog together. We feel good that you have deep roots in Mass. We worked hard to give you and Tim roots. We also worked hard to give you your wings. You can celebrate and love both gifts. We are so proud of the path you have forged thus far, even tho it means you are far away (geograpically speaking). Enjoy this leg of your life's journey, and try not to dwell too much in the future. You might miss something!
Post a Comment
<< Home